Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Life

This year, I have really learned how to not take life for granted. I've had some highs, and I've had some lows, but at the end of the day - I'm glad to be alive. I'm so grateful to have food to eat, kind family and friends and a roof under my head every night. Sometimes you forget about the little things, but those little things are the things most important in life.

For the time I've been gone, things have really started to change. A lot has happened. Some good, some bad. 

In late August, my dad received a call from his brother, my uncle, saying that my grandma has collapsed at a bus stop on her way to bingo. Shocked, my dad calls me, and explains what happened. That night, we catch the next ferry to Vancouver Island. (where my grandma lives) We got to the hospital, but she was unconscious. She was unable to talk or to see anything. She was able to move, hear and touch but that was about it. I stayed at the hospital for days, holding her hand and being with her. We knew that she was going to pass away. The doctor told us that she was unable to eat or drink, and that she was in the dying process. That really hit the whole family hard. It was kind of a shock, seeing all my cousins and my aunts and my uncles. Seeing my grandma on this bed, just laying there so peacefully. Seeing my dad say his last goodbyes to his mother. Seeing my grandma hold on as long as she could until she left this world. This experience really opened my eyes to how life is so important, and you cannot take a moment for granted. She was a woman who was full of life. She was beautiful, sociable and had the kindest heart. Growing up with her as a kid, she always used to walk down to the corner store with me and grab an ice cream. I will really miss those times I had with her. All I have is the memories of all of the times we have spent together. I will remember her forever. My grandma has not left me, the grandma I knew has. I know she is still with me and my family looking down on us. I know she wishes she was with us. Shortly after my grandma's passing, my aunt passed away after battling cancer for just less than a year. She was such an amazing woman and never thought of herself before thinking of others. She was one of the kindest people I have ever known, and she will be greatly missed by so many people. 

All that has happened this year just feels like a blur. I don't think all of this has really hit me yet. I keep saying to myself, "It will get better.", and "It will be okay." but it just keeps getting worse. I can only handle so much and I don't know what I will do if something else was to happen. I know I shouldn't think that way, but because of all I have been through this past year I feel like I should. Anything can happen, at any time. You might get in a fight with someone, you might lose someone, someone may cheat on you, someone may fall in love with someone else. Sometimes life will be awesome, sometimes life will kick you in the ass. You just have to think that something good some day will happen and you just have to wait for it. I know, its hard, but it will all be worth it at the end.


Music has really helped me through all of this. Music really gets me through the day, or is sad/mad/happy with me. One thing I love about music is that there is at least one song in the world to suit your mood. Music and a smile are a universal language. Everybody knows when someones happy and when there is a good tune playing on the radio. When you feel down in the dumps, just listen to a tune and hopefully some of the pain will go away.


Sometimes you get in a fight with somebody, regardless of how much you love them. That just part of life. When you fight with somebody its because you love somebody so much that you hate them. (..well, most of the time) No matter how big the fight, if you are a true friend or family member nothing and nobody can separate you from that person.

Everything that has happened to me has made me a stronger person. I never have and never will regret anything that I have done. I think that making mistakes and having shitty things happen to you is a part of life. Yes, they suck and you will cry and be sad for a long long long long time, but trust me when I say you will take something from that and use it later on in life. Just know that somebody in the world is going through the same thing as you. They feel you're pain and know what you're feeling inside. Never feel like you're alone, because you're not. You are not alone. 

I love all of you so much. Each person who has sent me a message, shared this with a friend and just read my blog is a friend to me. I don't know what I would do without all of this continuous support from around the globe. It is honestly so overwhelming. I am keeping a positive mind on things and I am hoping that things will get better in the months to come. As always, thank you for looking at life through my eyes...and know that if you think that nobody is there for you, and that you are all alone, well you're wrong. Even if I don't know you that well or don't know you at all, there is one fella here who will be here for you 24/7.

xx Nathan



17 comments:

  1. ur fucking amazing. i luv u.

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    1. i definitely agree with that :)

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  2. UK loves you, Nathan! All my friends read your blog. Such an amazing young writer. Stay strong.

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  3. You leave me speechless. Im balling. i love this. <3333333333333333

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  4. amazing! keep on fighting bro

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  5. Love it all Nathan! You've gone a long way since I've seen you last... don't know what to say; hope things will turn your way. :)

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  6. My fave blogger is back. Way to kick life in the ass and show em' who's boss! You are an amazing and incredible writer! What are you, 17? (sorry if I got your age wrong) I can see a entertainer or another amazing career ahead of you! I wish my kids would open up and be as public as you are with your blog. Your wording and writing is so raw and real; like I am right beside you and you're telling me about your life. I am so sorry for your grandma and your aunts loss. May they rest in peace. I hope to see and hear more from you! You have a huge fan from good ol' Texas! (and no, everything is not bigger here) Cheers, Lily.

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  7. inspring. love it. stay strong. love love love. i love how u said that msuic helps people threw stuff. it does tht for me =)

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  8. this is so well written! go get em' boy! show life whos boss! xoxo p.s. ur really cute ;)

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  9. just came across this today (via your twitter) so far so good! all of your posts are about your life, not food or shopping. and this may sound weird, but your life is so interesting, entertaining and it really sounds fun. through they good times and bad times it looks like you're always able to pull through. stay strong, and you have a new reader! :) cool layout as well

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  10. I never knew you could write Nathan!! You are soooo amazing! Keep going and I cheer you on for all your great work!! Amazing!! Speechless!! ♥♥♥♥♥

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  11. Hey nathan you are great i really hope you continue writing i always read ur blog because it is nice to see someone going through shitty times as well stay strong and continue blogging! or else ill miss u!
    love a friend;)

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  12. you're an amazing cousin and person and i love you so much. rip grandma xx

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  13. just came across this via a friend today. cant wait to read more! your writing is amazing!

    leo
    NYC

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