Saturday, April 28, 2012

You Never Really Grow Up

Today I realized that I don't look at whats good in my life. Sure, I look at all the cool things I have and all the things I want, but for a change I looked at the things that come for free.

I was late for my Saturday morning class and my mom got really mad at me. She said that I was grounded from all my electronics and that she would take them away when I got home. So, when I got home, she pronounced that she was sick and went to bed. Today was my grandma's birthday, so we went to a restaurant to celebrate while my mom stayed home watching a Sex And The City marathon. When we came home carrying a shit load of leftovers, my mom told me that she may go to Mexico..on mothers day. This broke my heart. I always look forward to mothers day. Its one of those "wake up happy" days, like on Christmas or your birthday. So I got mad at her and she just sat there watching Marley and Me and drinking her natural luke-warm ginger ale from Whole Foods. She told me to talk to her and to tell me whats wrong (even though she knew what was wrong..moms always do that) and she kept saying thats she loves me. I kept ignoring her and listened to Marley barking at Owen Wilson. Then, everything changed.

She told me about the times when it was just me and her. When I was little. She said raising me was the hardest but best thing she has ever done. She told me about what I was like as a baby, how cute I was, and the conversation kept getting more emotional by the second. Then, I started to cry. (I cry a lot..) Then I hugged her, and I felt like a 3 year old. She whispered in my ear, "I love you" and I replied, "I love you" and thats when I thought, I never will grow up. Sure, you can grow hair in places, and your voice will change and you will grow as tall as a tree - but on the inside, you will always stay the same. You will always have those memories from when you were a little boy, and you were playing on the computer or watching TV. Then, your mom calls you and saids dinner is ready. You run to the table, and you see that she made you your favorite meal: Veggie Lasagna. She saids "Here is a big piece for you, hun!" and you reply, "Thanks, mommy!" She always used to poor me Rice Dream into a little green plastic Ikea cup, and she made me finish it. It tasted horrible. I remember all of these things, and why? Because they are stuck. Stuck in my head, and I can't get them out. You are only young once, but you will always be young at heart.

So yes, I will miss my mom if she deicides to go to Mexico. I will be sad, and probably be one of the few people without their moms on mothers day.  But why keep a grudge when at the end I'm going to forgive her? Its not like I'm going to stay mad at her forever, so why stay mad at her for all? She has done so much for me, and she is working her ass off right now. ..I will miss her though.

The things that really matter are the things that come for free. Like the air, love, friends, and happiness. Money can make you happy, but it can't buy happiness. I always seem to forget that, but then remember later on that those things are the only things worth living for. 

xx Nathan


  1. this brought me to tears, reading all of ur blog posts and this is by farr my fave!! <3 ur a great writer nathan!

  2. Is that you as a baby? Your adorable!

  3. Probably my favourite and the one that nearly made me cry. Wise beyond your years, you're a gifted and authentic writer. People gravitate to "cool" and I'm sure you'll achieve great success with this blog.

  4. im a pretty though guy, but this made me cry. u got fans from the uk, man!! keep writing! (p.s. i love the "xx" at the end, i do tht on twitter all the time lol)

  5. You are so amazing to be able to tough it out through the hard times; there's always a rainbow after a rainstorm <3 you are an amazing writer nathan


  6. I would disagree with you on this one Mr. Sing. After my so called "enlightment", there is no way I can go back. I just wanted to go back to be my old self again, but I can't. I can't go back. There is only the future...oh, and taking revenge on those who hurt me.

    "One for the Master, One for the Dame, and One for the Little Boy who Lives Down the Lane"