Tuesday, May 6, 2014

My Transformation

For those of you who haven't known me for long or don't know me at all, over the past year I have gone through a complete mental and physical transformation. I wanted to do this because I felt like the person on the inside was not the person I was looking at in the mirror every morning. I was going through a lot in my life at the time, and having little to no self confidence weighed myself down even more. I have always felt so much love from all of my friends and the people around me, but I wasn't feeling it from myself. I was going into a new program at school, and wanted to change my body image so I could show my friends and family that I can change. I always told myself "I have to lose weight" or "I have to look better" and I knew it wasn't healthy.

Finally, I did something about it. In April of 2013, I started dieting and working out everyday. I was putting an extreme amount of energy out and not putting much in. I was feeling better physically, but mentally I was still broken. I wasn't eating, sleeping or focusing on anything. I felt torn. I had to choices: go on with this and feel better, or go back to my old ways and not. I chose the first choice.

First of all, I do not regret choosing this option at all. I am totally supportive of anybody who wants to lose weight to gain self confidence. Although the way I did it for 2 months was extremely unhealthy. In May, I started developing an eating disorder. Having an eating disorder was one of the toughest things throughout this whole journey. It put a huge strain on my friends and family. I was not eating. Whenever I did eat a proper meal, I felt guilty and sometimes threw it up. I was eating extremely small portions and sometime starving myself. I was exercising even more, and was not giving my body the nutrition it needed. I thought counting calories and watching what I ate was a good thing, and was the right way to go. I was wrong. Never in a million years would I have thought I would be the type of person who would suffer from an eating disorder.

From late-April to early-June, I lost 25 pounds. I was feeling really good about that, but the people close to me were getting worried. I was getting worried. I remember looking at the scale and thinking, "Holy shit. I lost that much weight!?" and thinking I need to stop now. But I couldn't. It was an addiction. Every time I looked at food, I thought I had two choices: eat the food, or lose a pound. Eventually I finally realized that I did have an eating disorder and stopped doing what I was doing right away for my well-being. I am one of the lucky few who caught it early.

In late-June, I started my real body revolution.

I cut my hair (my famous bieber-styled hair) and many things from my diet, and started exercising even more. (I'll talk about everything I ate/did another time) I was feeling great inside and out, and was healthier than ever. I was eating right and working out everyday. I also got my very first job! I felt happier and healthier and had a better outlook on life. When I took a trip to California in July, I finally felt like myself. I remember when I went to a store in LA, and tried on a pair of pants that I always wanted. When I looked into the mirror in the change room, and tried on the pants that never fit me before that fit me now, I almost started to cry. (okay, maybe I did cry a bit) It may sound stupid to you, but to me it was a huge sense of accomplishment. I changed myself not for anybody else, but for me. I told myself that I can do whatever I want if I can put my mind to it and followed through. I showed an extremely huge amount of discipline and stayed motivated throughout this whole journey. Looking at the results, all of the blood, sweat and tears paid off.

Yes, I did go to the program at school with more confidence than ever. Yes, I am still working on my self confidence and my body image. Yes, I am still struggling with body issues. Like anything, these things take time, work and patience. You just have to know how much you want it in order to achieve your long time goals.

If you want to change something about yourself, don't let anybody stop you. Its your body and you can do whatever the hell you want with it. It's a long journey, and it's not an easy one, but if you have the determination and drive - YOU CAN DO IT. I am still struggling mentally, but physically I am as happy as ever. This eating healthy and working out thing has become a lifestyle for me. I enjoy it. It's what I do to feel better about myself and it gives me a positive outlook on life. Hopefully one day I can put all of the shitty stuff behind me, but for now I'll just focus on all of the things that make me happy in life.

In the past year I have really found myself. I have surrounded myself with people who love and care about me as much as I do for them. I have gone outside my comfort zone and done so many amazing things I never would have even thought of doing 2 years ago. I have met some amazing people and built stronger relationships with people I already knew. I have gained so much more self confidence...and most importantly, I am more comfortable in my skin.

If any of you are struggling or are unhappy, please feel talk to me. I'm always here for all of you if you need somebody to listen to you. I also love hearing your thoughts on my blog and all of the ways it has impacted you. Your comments and all your kind words are one of the main reasons I keep writing. I cannot thank all you enough that read my blog from around the world. It really does warm my heart.

xx Nathan

8 comments:

  1. inspiring story nathan! so proud of u!!

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  2. Thank you for sharing your story with the world. Truly inspiring.

    Best of luck,
    Vince

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  3. Well written and well done. Extremely impressed with this post in particular.

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  4. It takes a lot to share a story like this. Be proud, you obviously made the right decision <3<3<3<3<3<3

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  5. It's good to see that you have taken control of your life, Nathan. As an old friend of yours, I haven't seen you of late, but I am relieved with this post to see that you have found yourself. And it takes courage to write about it. I salute you, and look forward to your future exploits.
    -Transience

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  6. Hey Nathan,
    I've actually been following your blog for a long time and I never really knew what to say. You're an amazing writer and I don't know if this means much to you, but I'm really proud of you for your transformation and honestly, you look amazing (not that you didn't look great before). I'm glad you're healthier and happier now. You're a huge inspiration to so many people, including me. Keep doing what you're doing! :)

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